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I thought we were all finished with our training, but instead Red told us that the afternoon would be spent on firearms training with Kirk. Kirk was tall, with wavy gray hair and a little pencil mustache. He started us off with how to hold a handgun. ‘This is a forty caliber semi automatic pistol. You may hear people say that it kicks hard when you fire it. That’s nonsense. There’s always some recoil any time you send a bullet downrange, but compared to most, this is a low recoil handgun. Notice the word, handgun. Let that word remind you always that to make it work for you the hand and the gun must come together just right. Let’s do it very slowly. Hold your hand out palm up and spread your fingers. Now I’m going to lay the gun in your hand. To hold it, wrap these three fingers up and around the grip. That’s right. Now bring your thumb down over the top fingernail, like this. Notice how firmly you can hold it? Press the thumb hard onto that finger. That tightens your grip. Now place. Maybe it’s as tinged with disrespect as the young surgeon’s would-be harem, but I can’t seem to help it. I want to know what this feels like. I want to get inside her head. I allow myself to picture Dory’s plump rose-tinted lips pressing a row of tender kisses along the ragged length of Vic’s snaky scar, her fingertips following close behind, sealing in her devotion. I try to imagine the rise of overpowering emotion welling in her breast, as she lets herself acknowledge how close she came to never living this moment… how real the possibility was that she would never touch his flesh again. I ache around the careful hug she so softly employs to swaddle his recently renovated chest and the lump in my throat, like half a biscuit — I’ve forgotten how to swallow or to seek out the half a coffee to wash it down. A better person would be moved, warmed to the core, by this tender loving vision, yet, my flawed meandering mind manages to stain even this. Again, it seems, I cannot help it. .
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